Can Custody Include Schedule for Virtual Family Check-ins?

In modern co-parenting and shared custody arrangements, maintaining strong emotional bonds with both parents can be challenging, especially in cases where physical visits are infrequent or when parents live in different locations. Virtual family check-ins, such as video calls or virtual chats, have become an effective way to keep both parents involved in a child’s daily life. A well-defined schedule for these virtual check-ins can ensure regular communication, emotional support, and continuity in the child’s relationship with both parents.

Incorporating these virtual check-ins into a custody agreement helps set expectations, promote consistency, and encourage healthy communication practices. This approach can be especially beneficial for children in joint custody or long-distance arrangements, helping them feel connected and supported.

How Custody Agreements Can Include a Schedule for Virtual Family Check-ins

• Frequency of Virtual Check-ins: A custody agreement can specify how often virtual check-ins should take place. This might include weekly, bi-weekly, or even daily check-ins, depending on the child’s needs, age, and the parents' availability. The schedule could be flexible, taking into account the child’s school or extracurricular commitments.
  Example: The agreement might state that the child will have a 30-minute video call with the non-custodial parent every Sunday evening at 6 p.m. This ensures consistency and creates an expectation for both parents and the child to connect.
• Duration and Time of Calls: Establishing a specific duration for each virtual check-in ensures that the time spent during the call is purposeful and doesn’t disrupt the child’s routine. This could range from a quick 15-minute check-in to a longer, more relaxed call depending on the situation.
  Example: The custody agreement may specify that virtual check-ins should last no longer than 30 minutes on weekdays, but may be extended to 45 minutes or an hour on weekends when both parents have more time to engage.
• Preferred Platforms for Communication: The agreement could specify the preferred platforms for these virtual check-ins, such as Zoom, Skype, Google Meet, or FaceTime. Establishing consistency in the platform used can reduce technical difficulties and ensure ease of access.
  Example: The custody agreement may outline that virtual check-ins will be conducted using FaceTime on Apple devices, or Zoom for ease of scheduling across multiple devices. Both parents should also agree on backup options in case of technical issues.
• Scheduling Flexibility and Adjustments: Flexibility is key when creating a virtual check-in schedule, as both parents and the child may have varying schedules. The agreement can specify that while there is a set routine, adjustments can be made with mutual consent in case of emergencies, holidays, or special events.
  Example: The agreement might state that in case of schedule conflicts (e.g., a parent has to work late), the virtual check-in can be rescheduled with prior notice, as long as both parents agree on the new time.
• Supervision During Check-ins: Depending on the child’s age and the family dynamics, some parents may want the check-ins to be supervised by the custodial parent, especially in cases of high conflict or when the child is very young. The custody agreement could outline whether the check-in should be one-on-one or if it will involve both parents.
  Example: For younger children or those who might have difficulty engaging in virtual communication, the custody agreement may specify that the custodial parent should sit with the child during the virtual check-in to help facilitate the conversation.
• Use of Virtual Check-ins for Special Occasions: Virtual check-ins can also be scheduled for special occasions such as birthdays, holidays, or other important milestones, ensuring that both parents can participate in these significant moments of the child’s life.
  Example: The agreement may specify that both parents will be included in the child’s birthday celebrations via virtual check-ins, so the child can share the experience with both parents even if one parent is not physically present.
• Respecting the Child’s Boundaries: It’s important to respect the child’s emotional needs. Some children, particularly older ones, may prefer not to have a check-in every day or may feel overwhelmed by too much virtual communication. The custody agreement could allow for flexibility based on the child’s preferences and emotional well-being.
  Example: The custody agreement may state that virtual check-ins can be reduced during periods when the child is feeling overwhelmed (e.g., during exam weeks) and that the child has the option to request shorter or fewer calls.

Benefits of Including Virtual Check-ins in Custody Agreements

• Maintains Emotional Connection: Regular virtual check-ins help maintain an emotional bond between the child and both parents, especially when geographical distance or other circumstances limit physical visits. This consistent communication reassures the child that both parents are still actively involved in their life.
• Promotes Healthy Co-Parenting Communication: Virtual check-ins allow for smoother communication between parents regarding the child’s well-being, daily routine, and any challenges they may be facing. It also gives both parents the chance to reinforce positive behaviors and offer emotional support, even from a distance.
• Fosters Stability and Routine: A regular schedule for virtual check-ins provides stability and predictability for the child. Knowing when to expect contact with each parent can reduce anxiety, especially for younger children who may struggle with transitions between households.
• Supports Child’s Social and Emotional Development: Virtual communication encourages the child to develop social skills and comfort with technology, which is increasingly important in today’s world. It also provides the child with an additional outlet to express their emotions, concerns, or joys to both parents.
• Ensures Parental Involvement in Key Moments: Virtual check-ins provide a way for parents to remain actively involved in their child’s daily experiences. Whether it’s hearing about a school project, a difficult day, or a new achievement, these moments of involvement can enhance the child’s sense of security and self-worth.

Challenges of Virtual Check-ins in Custody Agreements

• Technology Barriers: Not all families may have access to the same technology or internet bandwidth, and technical difficulties can disrupt the planned virtual check-ins. The custody agreement should account for these potential issues and include backup communication methods, such as phone calls or text messages.
  Solution: The agreement might include provisions for technical difficulties, such as rescheduling or using alternative methods of communication if video calls are not possible.
• Child’s Resistance to Virtual Communication: Some children, particularly older ones, may feel uncomfortable with virtual check-ins and may resist regular calls. They may view virtual communication as less meaningful or feel that it intrudes on their personal space.
  Solution: Parents should respect the child’s feelings while encouraging consistent communication. If necessary, the frequency or duration of check-ins can be adjusted to match the child’s comfort level.
• Conflicts Between Parents: If there is ongoing conflict between parents, virtual check-ins could become a point of contention. Disagreements over timing, frequency, or the role of each parent during the check-ins could create tension and affect the quality of communication.
  Solution: It may be helpful to work with a mediator or counselor to establish mutually agreed-upon guidelines for virtual check-ins. Communication should be child-focused and respectful of the child’s needs and emotions.
• Scheduling Conflicts: Busy work schedules or other commitments may make it difficult to adhere to a set schedule for virtual check-ins, especially if both parents have limited flexibility. The custody agreement should build in some flexibility to accommodate these challenges.
  Solution: Both parents should agree to a reasonable schedule, with the understanding that occasional adjustments may be necessary. Consistent communication about changes to the schedule is important to avoid confusion.

Example

• Emily and Jack share custody of their 9-year-old daughter, Sophia. Since they live in different cities, they want to ensure that Sophia has regular contact with both of them. Their custody agreement includes the following guidelines for virtual check-ins:
• Weekly Virtual Calls: Sophia will have a 20-minute video call with Emily every Wednesday evening at 7 p.m. and a call with Jack every Friday afternoon at 4 p.m. This allows Sophia to maintain regular communication with both parents.
• Special Occasions: On Sophia's birthday and other major holidays, both parents will be part of a joint virtual celebration, with Emily and Jack each taking turns hosting the call.
• Emergency Rescheduling: If either parent cannot make the scheduled call, they will notify the other parent at least 24 hours in advance, and the call will be rescheduled for another day that week.
• Technical Difficulties: In case of technical issues, such as an internet outage, the parent who cannot connect will call the other parent to inform them, and the check-in will take place via phone instead of video.

By following this schedule, Emily and Jack ensure that Sophia has consistent contact with both of them, even though they live far apart.

Including virtual family check-ins in custody agreements can help maintain strong emotional connections between children and both parents, support healthy communication practices, and provide stability during transitions. However, it’s important for parents to remain flexible and prioritize the child’s emotional well-being while navigating the practicalities of digital communication.