Can parents mandate co-attendance in child’s therapy sessions?

In families where divorce or separation has occurred, child therapy can play a significant role in helping the child navigate emotional challenges. However, the question arises as to whether both parents should be mandated to attend therapy sessions with the child. Co-attendance can have numerous benefits, including improved communication between parents, a unified approach to addressing the child’s emotional needs, and ensuring that both parents are on the same page regarding treatment. Yet, there are also practical and emotional considerations that should be taken into account when including both parents in the therapeutic process.

How Custody Agreements Can Include Co-Attendance in Therapy Sessions

Mandating Joint Attendance in Therapy

• Some custody agreements can stipulate that both parents must attend therapy sessions together with the child. This could be particularly relevant in situations where the child is struggling with issues stemming from the divorce, parental conflict, or emotional trauma. Joint participation helps both parents gain insight into the child’s emotional state and strengthens co-parenting by facilitating shared goals for the child’s well-being.

Example Clause in Custody Agreement:

• Both parents agree to attend family therapy sessions with the child as part of a cooperative effort to address the child’s emotional and psychological needs.
• Parents will schedule therapy appointments together and mutually agree on the therapist or counseling program they feel is best suited for the child.

Encouraging Active Participation and Cooperation

• The agreement may include not only mandatory attendance but also a requirement for active involvement during therapy. This could involve participating in conversations about the child's progress, setting goals for the child’s emotional development, and practicing new coping strategies at home.

Example Clause in Custody Agreement:

• Parents agree to engage fully in therapy sessions, with both actively participating in discussions regarding the child’s emotional health, development goals, and progress.
• Both parents will engage in parenting exercises recommended by the therapist to improve their communication and understanding of the child’s emotional needs.

Therapy for Co-Parenting or Family Dynamics

• Sometimes, a child’s therapy can also serve as a platform for improving co-parenting dynamics between the parents. If there is significant tension or misalignment in parenting styles or values, therapy can provide a space to discuss these differences, with the therapist guiding the conversation.

Example Clause in Custody Agreement:

• In cases where both parents struggle with co-parenting, the parents agree to attend therapy together to resolve differences and improve collaborative parenting strategies.
• Therapist may recommend joint sessions for co-parenting to ensure both parents are aligned in supporting the child’s emotional health.

Benefits of Co-Attending Therapy Sessions

Unified Support for the Child

• When both parents attend therapy, they are better able to understand the child’s needs, progress, and challenges. This alignment can help ensure the child receives consistent support and emotional validation at both homes, reducing feelings of confusion or conflict. It also reinforces the idea that the parents are working as a team for the child’s best interests.

Example:

• A child experiencing anxiety may benefit from both parents learning about the techniques recommended in therapy, such as mindfulness or cognitive-behavioral strategies. When both parents practice these techniques, the child feels more secure in knowing they can rely on both homes for emotional consistency.

Enhanced Communication Between Parents

• Co-attending therapy fosters open communication between parents regarding the child’s emotional and psychological well-being. By discussing the child’s issues in the presence of a neutral third party (the therapist), parents are less likely to fall into unproductive arguments or misunderstandings. Instead, therapy provides a structured environment to address concerns constructively.

Example:

• After attending a session, the parents might agree to implement shared parenting rules to address the child’s fears or trauma, rather than each parent taking different approaches that may confuse the child.

Strengthening Co-Parenting and Reducing Conflict

• Therapy can improve the co-parenting relationship by helping both parents develop mutual understanding and shared responsibility in addressing the child’s needs. This is particularly important for children of divorced or separated parents, who often face conflicting messages from each parent. A united approach helps reduce confusion and emotional strain.

Demonstrating Commitment to the Child’s Well-Being

• By mandating co-attendance, a custody agreement can show that both parents are deeply invested in their child's mental health. It sends a message to the child that both parents care enough about their emotional well-being to actively participate in their therapy, which can build the child’s trust and strengthen the parent-child relationship.

Challenges of Co-Attending Therapy Sessions

Parental Conflict

• One of the main challenges to co-attendance is if there is significant parental conflict or animosity. If parents are hostile toward each other, co-attending therapy could create a tense or uncomfortable atmosphere for both the child and the parents. In such cases, the therapist may recommend that parents attend separately, or one parent may be excluded from certain sessions.

Solution:

• The therapist can act as a mediator, ensuring that the discussions remain focused on the child’s needs and emotions. If conflict is unavoidable, the agreement could include provisions for attending therapy separately, with both parents still receiving detailed updates and participating in joint sessions when necessary.

Emotional or Logistical Barriers

• Some parents may be emotionally or logistically unable to attend therapy sessions together. This could be due to distance, work schedules, or personal discomfort with interacting with the ex-partner. In such cases, alternative arrangements can be made, such as virtual therapy sessions or separate meetings with the therapist.

Solution:

• The custody agreement can allow for flexibility in how parents attend therapy (either together or separately) but still mandates participation to ensure the child’s mental health is prioritized.

Confidentiality and Boundaries

• Some children may be hesitant to speak openly in therapy if both parents are present, particularly in cases where sensitive issues arise. It’s essential that both parents respect the boundaries of the therapy process and the child’s confidentiality. The therapist can ensure that the child feels safe in expressing themselves, with private sessions being available if needed.

Example

• Scenario: A child, aged 10, is struggling with feelings of anxiety related to the recent divorce of their parents. The custody agreement includes a requirement that both parents co-attend therapy sessions with the child to foster a consistent approach to emotional support.

Steps:

• Therapy Enrollment: Both parents agree to enroll the child in therapy with a licensed child psychologist who specializes in anxiety and emotional regulation. They ensure the therapist is experienced in working with divorced families.
• Regular Sessions: The family attends monthly therapy sessions, where both parents are present. During sessions, the child discusses their feelings of anxiety, and the parents learn specific strategies to help alleviate their child’s stress.
• Co-Parenting Strategy: In therapy, both parents work together to create a joint plan for helping the child manage anxiety. This might include consistent bedtime routines, relaxation techniques, and a shared understanding of triggers for anxiety.
• Ongoing Support: After each session, the parents debrief privately and discuss how they can implement the therapist’s recommendations at home. They also agree to stay in communication with the therapist for periodic updates on the child’s progress.