Can Custody Require Both Parents to Approve Extracurricular Awards?

Extracurricular activities such as sports, music, arts, and academic clubs play an important role in a child’s personal development, social skills, and future opportunities. Awards or recognitions from these activities can be significant milestones in a child’s life. In a joint custody situation, the question arises: can a custody agreement require both parents to approve such awards or recognitions? While some parents might agree on decisions involving their child’s extracurricular achievements, others may have differing views on what is best for the child. This provision could influence the child’s future opportunities and highlight the complex dynamics of shared decision-making in custody arrangements.

Legal Considerations for Requiring Parental Approval of Extracurricular Awards

• Best Interests of the Child: Family law courts always make decisions based on the best interests of the child. If requiring both parents to approve extracurricular awards is deemed beneficial for the child’s development and well-being, a court may approve this provision in the custody agreement. This provision may be especially appropriate if the award or recognition significantly impacts the child’s educational or personal growth (e.g., scholarships or prestigious awards).
• Shared Parental Decision-Making: In most joint custody situations, decisions regarding the child’s welfare are made collaboratively by both parents. A provision requiring both parents to approve extracurricular awards could align with the principle of shared decision-making, where significant aspects of the child’s life are handled jointly. However, the agreement should outline what types of awards or recognitions require approval—whether it’s just major awards or all types.
• Extracurricular Involvement: Some custody agreements already specify the division of responsibilities for extracurricular activities, including which parent is responsible for enrolling the child in activities or attending events. If the child’s involvement in certain activities is already a joint decision, it may make sense to extend this shared responsibility to awards or recognitions arising from those activities. The parents may want to ensure that the child’s participation and achievements align with both parents’ expectations or values.
• Legal Enforceability: To ensure the provision is enforceable, the language in the custody agreement needs to be clear and specific. Vague terms like approval or consultation could lead to disagreements between parents and may require legal intervention to resolve. It’s important that both parents understand what constitutes approval or consultation, and that there are clear steps for handling disputes or disagreements, perhaps through mediation or court intervention if necessary.

Practical Considerations for Requiring Parental Approval of Extracurricular Awards

• Communication Between Parents: Requiring both parents to approve awards or recognitions requires consistent communication and cooperation. It’s crucial for parents to be proactive in sharing information about the child’s extracurricular activities and achievements. This includes ensuring that both parents are aware of award ceremonies, deadlines for applications, or potential scholarships. Parents should be willing to engage in open, respectful conversations about the child’s development and achievements.
• Defining the Scope of Awards: The custody agreement should specify which types of awards or recognitions require approval. For instance, does this include school awards, sports trophies, scholarships, or smaller recognitions? Clarifying what counts as an award can prevent unnecessary conflicts and ensure that both parents are in agreement about which situations require joint approval.
• Potential Conflicts and Disagreements: While most parents want the best for their child, they may have different views on which extracurricular activities or awards are important. One parent may prioritize academic achievements, while the other may place more value on athletic or artistic accomplishments. In cases of disagreement, the child could be caught in the middle. The custody agreement should outline a process for resolving disputes, perhaps by involving a third-party mediator or seeking court intervention if the issue cannot be resolved amicably.
• Flexibility in Extraordinary Circumstances: Sometimes, timing or logistical issues may prevent both parents from being involved in approving an award. For instance, one parent may not be immediately available to sign off on an award because of work commitments or travel. It’s important to build in flexibility within the agreement to accommodate such situations without creating delays or missed opportunities for the child.

Emotional and Psychological Considerations

• Promoting a Positive Relationship Between Parents: Requiring both parents to approve extracurricular awards can promote cooperation and a shared sense of pride in the child’s achievements. It can be a way to reinforce that both parents are actively involved in the child’s development, fostering a healthy co-parenting dynamic. However, if not handled well, it could create unnecessary tension, particularly if parents have differing opinions on the child’s activities.
• Child’s Perspective and Impact: The child might be excited about their achievements and may look forward to sharing this news with both parents. If the approval process becomes contentious or delayed, it could create frustration or stress for the child. Parents should be mindful of how disagreements about awards or recognitions might affect the child’s self-esteem and enthusiasm.
• Autonomy vs. Parental Involvement: As children grow older, they begin to seek more autonomy in making decisions about their extracurricular activities. By the time the child reaches adolescence, they may feel uncomfortable with their parents having to approve all awards or recognitions. It’s important to consider how much independence the child should have in this process and to adjust the custody agreement accordingly as the child matures.

Example:

Let’s say parents have joint custody of a 13-year-old child who excels in both academics and sports. The child recently received a scholarship offer for a summer sports camp. The parents agree that both must approve any extracurricular awards or recognitions that significantly impact the child’s future, including scholarship offers, major competitions, or significant academic honors.

Steps to Implement the Arrangement:

• Clear Definition of Awards: The parents agree that only major awards, like scholarships or prestigious competition recognitions, require joint approval. Smaller awards, such as certificates or school participation trophies, do not need approval.
• Communication: The parents agree to communicate regularly about the child’s achievements, awards, and opportunities. Both parents are involved in discussing which activities or awards are important to the child.
• Dispute Resolution: If there is a disagreement about whether the child should accept an award or attend a particular event (e.g., a summer camp), the parents agree to seek mediation or family counseling to resolve the issue amicably.
• Flexibility: If one parent is unavailable for approval (e.g., due to travel), the other parent can temporarily make the decision with the understanding that the absent parent will review and discuss the decision as soon as possible.

Conclusion:

Mandating both parents to approve extracurricular awards or recognitions in a custody agreement is a way to ensure that both parents remain actively involved in the child’s development and achievements. While this can be a positive arrangement, it requires clear communication, defined boundaries, and a cooperative co-parenting approach. It’s important to consider the child’s emotional needs, the practicality of implementing such a provision, and the potential for conflicts. By being mindful of these considerations, both parents can help foster a positive, supportive environment for the child’s growth and success.